#HD footage.... let's fucking go

[olympain]

Mike Faist and Lucas Hedges in Soho Place's Brokeback Mountain

[buckyalpine]

18+ AF Minors dni. Just a lil smutty thought with a scene I imagined. Bucky finds out Tony updated the security system for the compound and upgraded all the cameras to HD quality.

"So what you're saying is that footage would've recorded everything in the kitchen from morning to evening and the middle of the night...everything?" Bucky shuffled by Tony's desk after everyone had left the briefing about the latest Stark tech. Everyone's phones w

"Yes grandpa, that's how a security system works" Tony snorted while Bucky hummed, his mind still wandering.

"Yeah but....everything..in full detail? Including sound?"

"Yes, why, what are you doing in the kitchen" He cocked his head in confusion while the super soldier gave him a blank stare, only blinking twice in response, his cheeks growing redder with each passing second.

"Oh"

"OH"

Bucky scrambled out of the room, leaving behind a cackling Tony, his fingers desperately tapping his phone to unlock and check the security archives. He locked himself in his room, his stomach already churning when he saw the date of the video still very much accessible, dragging his finger to find the exact time-

"FUCK Sergeant!!" Bucky nearly flung the phone, quickly lowering the volume of the video, your loud, slutty moans and fucked out face clear as day. "P-please Sergeant, harder!"

"That's it baby, tell your soldier how you want to get fucked, beg for it"

What had started off as wholesome date night had turned into something else by the time Bucky had you alone in the compound. He'd struggled to keep his hand to himself all night with the dress you were wearing and it didn't help that the waiter at dinner shamelessly flirted with you the entire time. You didn't entertain it but it didn't stop the former assassin from growing jealous, itching to remind you who you belonged to by the end of the night.

You'd gone by the kitchen to grab a glass of water and the sight of you leaning over the counter to fill your cup was enough to break Bucky's resolve. His bedroom could wait.

"Princess" Bucky swallowed thickly hearing his voice dripping with possessiveness, watching himself cage you against the counter, purring in your ear. He could see you shiver as his lips trail up the column of your neck, preening as he licked your skin, pressing his achingly hard erection against your ass.

"B-Bucky" You whimpered, squeaking at the spank he gave you, clicking his tongue.

"Try again, baby"

"Sergeant Barnes" Your voice melted into a moan as he hummed, taking his time slipping your dress up over your hips to give himself a perfect view of your lacy covered cunt.

Bucky fully intended on deleting the video. He was going to highlight the section and get rid of it for good. He desperately tried to ignore the way his cock stirred the longer he watched, unable to tear his eyes off the way you were bent over the kitchen counter like such a good girl, waiting for him to do something.

"That's right. Your Sergeant" The clink of his belt hitting the floor made you whine. He wasn't interested in prepping you, no foreplay, this was pure possessiveness, every vein in his body itching to own you. "You're a little slut for your Sergeant, aren't you princess?"

"M'your slut" you nodded, gasping at the tear of your panties, the lacy material tossed to the side.

"Let me show I fuck my slut" Bucky didn't give you a second to adjust, immediately setting a brutal pace, your hips bumping against the marble countertop.

"S-SERGEANT BAR-NES!-" Bucky slapped his hand over your mouth, your broken screams muffled against his palm.

"Take it" He growled, his other hand pressing against your shoulder blades, purely using you for his pleasure, "You love how your Sergeant fucks you, my perfect little slut, mine"

"Fuck Sergeant!!" You wailed while Bucky snaked his hand to circle your clit, his cock starting to leak at the way you tightened around him. You'd never looked prettier. Your makeup was ruined. Sweat covered your body. Your eyes rolled back. Bucky replayed that part of the video over and over again, finally giving into his heavy cock begging for attention. He gave himself a squeeze hoping it would calm him down but before he knew it, he'd pulled it out and started to tug, precum glistening at the head.

"That's it baby, tell your soldier how you want to get fucked, beg for it"

"Pleasepleaseplease-fill-me" you slurred, unable to form sentences while Bucky's grunts grw louder, his pace faltering.

"Gonna fill you up with so much cum, you'll feel me in your pussy for days princess" Bucky fucked you like an animal, eyes feral as he kept you caged under him, his heavy balls and hard cock ready to blow, "We'll go back to that restaurant. Have that same waiter try and talk to you while I drip out between your legs. Won't even let you wear panties baby, want you to make a mess on their chair, let them see where I marked you, fuck m'cumming!!"

Bucky tightly held the base of his cock to keep from cumming as he watched himself pump you full, hips stuttering. He couldn't cum yet. Not when he knew what was coming up next. He watched himself pull out of you, cooing at your soft little whimper before decidedly acting like a deranged feral fuck again.

"Shhh, let your Sergeant clean you up again" He smirked, picking you up with 0 effort and setting you down on the counter, spreading your legs apart so he could lick up every bit of cum that dripped out of you, the most salacious sounds filling the room. He greedily lapped and sucked at your clit, groaning at the tasted of his spend mixed with yours, loving that no other man would get to taste something so good. No other man would get to watch their cum drip out of you after filling you past the brim. No other man would get to have you at your most sensitive, cleaning every bit of their cum off you with their face buried between their legs-

"F-fuck" Bucky whimpered, quickly biting his lip to shut himself up but it was no use. His chest heaved, breathy moans growing louder as he jerked himself faster. "Yes, yeah, shit-" Bucky was nearly whining at this point, his hand working at his sensitive cockhead, giving himself quick, hard strokes, "OH FUCKK" Thick ropes of cum spilled from his cock, a steady stream making a mess all over his sheets as he continued to touch himself, rewinding the video to the beginning. His hard cock wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Maybe he wouldn't delete the video just yet.

Later in the groupchat:

Tony: Everyone, please don't check the kitchen footage from two days ago at exactly 1:04 to 1:38

Sam: Why would I check that in the first place

Nat: Wasn't planning on it

Steve: I don't know how to access the footage.

Tony: Trust me. None of you should check that exact time stamp.

Tony: 🙂

*a few minutes later after everyone obviously checked the footage*

Nat: Holy shit.

Sam: BARNES YOU DIRTY DOG

Nat: That's hot

Steve: Tony, I still can't access the footage.

Sam: YALL ARE NASTY

Steve: Who is nasty?

Sam: I love it though

Y/n: 😏He's the best sergeant

Sam: HAHAHA

Nat: You guys are so cute 🥺️🥺️

Bucky: I hate you all

Sam: What you gonna do about it Sergeant

-Bucky has left the chat-

Steve: Why did Bucky leave

[flodaya]

let me rank all of Z's outfits in 2023

i mean iconic showstopping, i will never get tired of this look

2. thank you valentno for this absolutely dream of a dress, i know her custom valentino wedding dress will be one for the ages

3, i love a good 2000 versace dress, and she absolutely bodied this dress

4. actually my jaw fell to the floor seeing this for the first time, i had been very underwhelmed by her LV looks up until then but this????

5. an absolute crime that we don't have better pictures of this dress :(

6. same goes for this vivienne westwood moment, WHY did we never get any HD footage of this convention

6. next we have this last mintute suit moment, we really didnt get a lot of suitdaya this year so i'm glad they lost the dress (also.... seeing what the dress later i am even more glad)

7. Z really came back in feburary from a long hiatus and vacation with some of the most iconic outfits

8. Z's outfit performing at Coachella, SHE IS THE MOMENT

9. sometimes the hottest outfit a girl can wear is a white tanktop with no bra <3

10. this look would be like in my top three if it had been fitted better, her boobs are literally about to fall out of this dress, @ law i know you retired but DO BETTER

11. does anyone beisdes me even remember this moment? darnell's birthday party dress, oh to have seen more of this dress

12. sooooo CUTE, she is literally so pocket sized,

13. love the top and the silver, dont care for the oversized shorts and suit jacket

14. going into the meh moments, this one was alright, the cutouts are fun, the long straight skirt was underwhelming

15. and 16. two back to back meh-ish LV looks

17. idk on one hand i really don't like this but then again Z looks totally stunning, literally like a mermaid sooooo what else could i ask for

18. i respect the #fashion girlies being gagged over this off the runway schiaparelli look........ but....... no

19. unfortunately i do not agree with mr holland's comment, i mean the top half looks hot as fuck so if we ignore the bottom half of this dress he's right i guess

20. uhhhhhhh

21. i just dont.... get it?

22. i'm not even sorry for putting this dead last

[stevishabitat]

Live Stevi Reactions to: The Giggle

Soho, lol

Racist German toy maker... how... original... 😒

Oh we're revisiting The Wire now? The evil of TV.

Seasons Greedings, Lois & Clark style, yeah?

Helicopters again? Is this unused 50th footage?

Hugging? We're hugging now? Kate is hugging now???

Everyone is infected with Trumpism? Gross

Definitely Seasons Greedings

So, we're doing the Christmas Invasion again, huh? Torchwood, missiles? Except now it's it's UNIT.

School Reunion vibes

How does DT just *turn on* the big sad eyes??? 🥺🥺🥺

Why has everyone's makeup been so off in these episodes? I thought it was just the promo pics, but no, everyone is just a little fake-tan looking and it looks like thick foundation. Are we afraid of letting white Brits be naturally pale? Trying to hide David's freckles? David had it, NPH had it, even Kate Stewart looked like she was in stage make-up. Wtf? Do BBC make-up artists not know the difference between stage makeup and makeup for HD TV???

I totally forgot about NPH's up close magic skills until this moment

So we're doing Eleventh Hour now? Prisoner Zero?

With choreography? Once More With Feeling...

Ellimist & Crayak

NPH is naaaaasty

Here we go again...

Starfish

That is creepy as hell

Pants???

They each have half an outfit

Double or nothing 🤣🤣🤣

This is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen

Twink Battle!!!

The filming looks weird. Were the three of them not actually on-set at the same time? This is definitely giving me "shot separately and stitched together" vibes, which is really unfortunate because it really could have been much better

Self love saves the day 😭😭😭

Bloody hell, was that Lucy Saxon???

I'm thinking 14 needs therapy so that 15 can finally be OK

Then 15 “We're doing rehab out of order" lol, see, told ya

The slow path, idiot.

Your turn to be left behind and you get better than a coral fragment, be grateful

So the ramps mean it's accesible not only for Shirley, but for Wilf too... Feels 😭

Mixed feelings about the 14 thing. It does really solve the whole "weight of the universe" problem of modern Who though. Because let's be honest, it's getting really old and tired.

Still feels a bit cheeseball and a bit iffy for 15 if fucking David Tennant is just hanging around in the background of the storyline.

But seriously, please let us have a truly happy, healthy, joyful Doctor for a change.

Oh holy moly I'm liking 15's theme😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

And the jukebox 🤣 And the party lights

Let's have a bit of levity for awhile. The world needs it.

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

miss your podcast posting

Aw thanks, and yeah, me too! I love being insane and rambling on and on about the Sunny pod every Monday and listening to it as soon as it drops even if I have shit I'm supposed to be doing at the time. Super excited to get back into it today when they finally drop the new episode after their extended hiatus! (This on top of having a Succession episode to look forward to?!)

This has finally been a pretty good week for getting fresh content and I've got so many drafts from the London and Dublin live shows, but yeah it's great to be getting back to "proper" discussions of season 5 (ah Intervention, my beloved!) and I hope they go back to their original regular upload schedule now, not whatever the fuck it was we got from them from Feb through April. (Yes, yes, I know they were busy and I love that they're still so committed to season 16, but seriously, why does it not even occur to them to have the basic decency to let their audience know they're on a break?!)

I'm really hoping we get long podcast episodes out of the live shows without Meg, Mara and the other producers and editors cutting out too much of the juicy footage like they did with Philly and Louisville, where they really cheating us out of two 50 minute episodes on Mac and Charlie Die with that 80 minute long single episode (as much as I enjoyed it).

I really need to inject some insane macdennis baiting and drunk glenntent and globtent straight into my veins after this long dry spell. I need to see Artemis call Glenn 'Glennifer' and Kaitlin own the stage when she walks out and flaps her arms. I need to see Charlie on the keys spitting at the crowd as they all scream, "Go fuck yourselves!" in HD quality and real sound that's better than what you get on a damn phone.

Btw, thanks for sending me an ask! I rarely ever get them. In fact, I've only ever had three asks this whole time I've been on tumblr, including this one and my last one which was just pure spam lol. I love talking and find it hard to shut the fuck up, so thanks for the interaction :)

[fka-leah]

https://www.aei.org/op-eds/israel-is-not-committing-genocide-in-gaza/

https://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/article288383000.html

https://thehill.com/opinion/international/4388533-israel-is-not-committing-genocide-but-hamas-is/

Hi! I'd like to give you some things to read. I've seen your comments that Israel is committing genocide and I hope you come to realize that's not true. Genocide has a narrow legal definition which includes the intent to destroy a national, ethnic, racial or religious group. Israel wants to destroy Hamas, a terrorist organization, which is not a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group. (It’s also not interested in Apartheid, given that 20% of the Israeli population is Arab and 1.5 million Arabs are full Israeli citizens with equal rights to the Jewish Israeli citizens).

While it's regretful that innocent civilians have been killed in Gaza, the true number is unlikely to be as high that which is widely reported (as Hamas is the one providing the data) and Hamas fighters are very good at hiding their identities behind civilian ones, just as they hide their military installations in schools and medical centers. Hamas doesn't differentiate between civilians and combatants when it releases numbers. Additionally, the UN had to revise its figures of the number of women and children killed downwards by half in May.

I know one argument used in favor of Genocide is that Israel is denying aid to Gaza, but that's becoming more and more well known as a lie. Such as in the following, where John Kirby acknowledges the delays are not on Israel's side.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/press-briefings/2024/06/26/on-the-record-press-gaggle-by-white-house-national-security-communications-advisor-john-kirby-16/

Israel's conduct in this war has not been perfect and mistakes have been made but within days of the October 7th massacre it was being blamed for things it had not done, such as when an Islamic group from inside Gaza hit a hospital with a rocket. Israel should not be blamed for genocide when it has no such intent. I hope some of this information changes your mind. Have a good day!

I was battling with myself whether I should answer this or not. Whether I should waste my energy and give you the time of day but since I’m bored, why not?

1. Girl (gender neutral) fuck you. The audacity you have to think YOU could give me some things to read. The absolute fucking gall. Respectfully eat a dick.

2. Let me reiterate what I said IT IS A GENOCIDE. You lot love to think this whole thing started on Oct 7th, bitch it didn’t. It would behoove you to do your damn research but since you insist to becoming to my ask talking bs, here’s an article from the United Nations about the 1948 Nakba. Here’s a book by Angela Davis published in 2016. (there’s an audio book to bc I know y’all don’t fucking read).

3. Let’s not act like there aren’t 4k HD images and videos, of the IOF doing the exact thing you claimed they aren’t doing. As if Motaz, Bisan, Plestia and many other (some of which have died and/or lost their families) weren’t giving us live footage of the atrocities they were witnessing.

here’s an article from doctor’s without borders, highlighting the bombing of a camp for displaced peoples in Rafah and the conditions afterwards.

another about Al-shifa hospital. and another from the World Health Organization.

This isn’t something that started happening after oct 7, they’ve been doing this to the Palestinian people SINCE THE 1940s !! Harassing them on their land, stealing their homes, arresting them, torturing them for 75 damn years.

4. Once again girl (neutral fuck you) I graduated summa cum laude, don’t ever think you could give me a reading. I have nothing else to say to you. I was going to sit and pick each word and sentence you sent to me but respectfully suck a dick. This is all you get from me, bitch.

[vetinarihavelock]

For the sake of having more than just an ego trip, I will say: I was looking at my oldest, eight-year-old sets for the first time in a while while I was composing my previous tag-vomit, and oh boy the rookie mistakes that took place! Granted I can't be that tough on myself - not because I wanna be nice to newbie!me, but because it was 2015, and while we had at least advanced to the point of not having our size limits be locked within the couple-hundred kilobytes range (jfc 2012 and earlier gif editors were braver than US marines), two megabytes was still really fucking rough, so I can't judge us for straying too far from our modern standards like "no chopping every other frame" or "seriously no frame delays slower than .05 seconds or we'll choke you." (Yeah this was back when .06 pretty much had to be a much more tolerated option, particularly if you were an editor who prioritized vibrant lighting/coloring over having longer running gifs. Frame cuts were still a necessary evil a lot of the time.) But yeah, I might rag against bad coloring, but if you're trying to figure that shit out on your own and you're not even seeing the best editing this site has to offer, let alone studying them considerably, it can be rough figuring out what the fuck you gotta do. Hell, based on my own tag search, I didn't even know what the fucking point was for sharpening for most of the first month. You know - that thing that makes you look more HD than the original footage? Oof.

That all being said, though: Going further into my original editing tags, turns out I improved a lot faster than I remembered. Like, I'd barely been at it for a month, and yet by that span of time, my coloring stopped looking like it was painted on by a four-year-old and I actually learned what the preferred sharpening settings were. I am once again boggled by how quickly I got from "forgivable newbie bad" to "actually... kinda passable." And it was all just up from there.

...Holy shit, I completely forgot that I had actually made before-and-after gifs on that first year. Well okay not really; that's just how they coincidentally worked out for me: It didn't take long for me to want a cool sidebar gif of my own making once I got started, but I ended up improving so dramatically by the end of the year that I couldn't stand looking at my original bad shit anymore, so I had to replace it with something that was more on my more end-of-year level. And thanks to their sidebar status making them literally some of the only gifs that didn't have my original signature, for once in my life I can stop sounding like a weird braggart and safely show a small glimpse of my babby abilities!

Feb 2015 vs Dec 2015

So... Yeah, when you see me rave on somebody for their fantastic coloring/editing skills, I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about. :)

[residentevil2remake]

fuck yeah uncharted 4 and lost legacy on pc 

[princessanneftw]

A List™️ of things I would like to see from Anne and the rest of the BRF in 2022:

MORE JOINT ENGAGEMENTS PLEASE - Anne and Camilla? Anne and Liz? Anne and the Cambridges? Make it happen.

New photos of Anne and Tim for their 30th wedding anniversary 🥰 (which is nearly 2023 but idgaf we better get those) including at least one with the annelets

To follow up, for them to do something special on the day that we would get to see a bit of. A little party, perhaps? With the fam and their closest friends? They’ll never fucking let us see that but I will continue to hope

Some lovely photos of the Tindall, Phillips and Cambridge babies being besties - particularly little Lena and Louis causing chaos and doing it so flawlessly

To go with the above, new pics of Anne and Tim with the smallest annelets because we still haven’t seen that and I’m still upset about it

Several new documentaries marking the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee - one focusing on her working life, a series in which each episode focuses on a particular person or section of the family and how they help her, and a more personal one where we see the family come together to pay tribute to her with more unseen footage and lovely anecdotes MAKE IT HAPPEN

In general, more joint, in-person appearances at events that we haven’t been able to see due to Covid (ie Christmas, Easter, Trooping, Ascot, Services of Thanksgiving, etc.). I think it would be wise to give that little bit more exposure next year since we haven’t seen them very much at all, and the fact that it’s the Platinum Jubilee as well

Andrew in a cell at best, cast out of the family with everything removed at least. Even better if Fergie also ends up in a cell, and if they let either one of them near the Jubilee celebrations I swear to CHRIST

Next year’s Christmas card to be a big family photo with everyone and for it to land swiftly on the Internet in HD 😌

If anyone has any other suggestions, please share!

[heybaetae]

best of 2021 

post your favorite or most popular post from each month this year!

thank you @jimmeo-kookliet for tagging me to do this! i can’t really decide if i want to post all my favorites of each month or the post that got the most notes, so i might just...put both? i’m adjusting the prompt for the fun of looking back on everything i made this year, but if i tag you please feel free to follow the prompt however you’d like. i think i giffed more in 2021 than i ever have in my life and i’ve been doing this for a looong time. i have a lot of mixed feelings about it as we wrap this year up, but i can wholeheartedly say that i had a lot of fun creating things this year and appreciate everyone who still goes out their way to share not only my content, but others’ as well. 

i’m gonna put all this under a cut! 

🔮 january

my favorite: bangtan full house 

technically this is my second favorite because my actual favorite also got the most notes so see that one below, but this set idea was a close second because it was so random. the idea popped into my head while watching this dvd and i thought the way they were turning towards the camera gave off cheesy 90s sitcom intro energy, so i ended up downloading the full house font and this set came to be. i also did a ton of selective color correcting to get completely rid of the bright purple color of the screen behind them, so i’m still pretty proud of this! i absolutely did not expect the reaction it got at all! i even posted a video version with the theme song for the full effect lmfao.

most notes:  favorite taehyung moments

just a really cute compilation of some of my all time fave taehyung moments. it’s still such a precious set to me and i had a good time making it. maybe i’ll make a part two one day!

🔮 february 

my favorite: bias wrecker jungkook

i just loved the purple color scheme of this set! it wasn’t really planned, but i still think it’s one of the prettiest sets of jungkook i’ve made. 

most notes: winter package taehyung

understandable, look at him

🔮 march

my favorite: vmin comp

most notes: bandana taehyung

i looooved making comps for the make me choose meme, i should bring it back

🔮 april

my favorite: yellow taehyung

i think this is one of my biggest comp sets that absolutely nobody asked for

most notes: fluffy hair taehyung

as he should!!! AS HE SHOULD!!!

🔮 may

my favorite: butter mv comp

what a fun night this was let’s go back

most notes: taehyung at gyeongbokgung palace

i very fondly call this footage the “look at all those chickens” clip

🔮 june

my favorite: sowoozoo vcr jungkook

i love the coloring i did on this a lot especially since those vcrs were very orange-y. this set looks like it could be from a movie...chef’s kiss

most notes: tata mic

because of course it did

🔮 july

my favorite: black/blonde hair hoseok

this was the first time i experimented with a layout of this sort and i thought this turned out really cool! giffing hobi is such a treat for me and i need to do it way more because it gives me so much serotonin

most notes: yoonkook comp

THIS SET WAS SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE AND I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH IT!!!! 

🔮 august

my favorite: red plaid taehyung

he’s so cute what the fuck :/

most notes: taehyung samsung commerical

i’m really not sure why this did well, i put very little effort into it lmao

🔮 september

my favorite: ON mv making film taehyung

self explanitory

most notes: esquire taehyung

i’ve had this blog since october 2020 and this is only the second time i’ve had a post hit 5k notes (and 4k too for that matter)

🔮 october

my favorite: taehyung trying to bulk up

literally WHAT is this man doing. the way i leaped off my bed when this scene popped up in the bangtan bomb with no warning

most notes: dramatic taegimin

honestly same

🔮 november

my favorite: motsone tae and his tongue

i haven’t rested since he did this and it took me over a year to finally get to gif it in HD so

most notes: taehyung’s fond of jimin face

VERY RELATABLE CONTENT

🔮 december

my favorite: motsone jungkook

soooo pleased with how this set turned out and the purple/pink colors flowing so naturally. i experimented a bit with sharpening, especially with this dvd and i think this is the prettiest jk set since the bias wrecker one i made in february!

most notes: funniest taehyung moments

thank you kim taehyung for making us laugh so much this year <3

that’s it!!! 

i’m gonna tag some of my fave creators of this year but PLEASE do not feel obligated to do this!

@intokook @jeonbunkook @taeunwoo @kimtaegis @tcehyungs @taeyoonge @hobeah @jeonjcngkook @userjiminie

[amispnrewatch]

SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

[gentletwin]

I am considering. Doing a runthrough of Miitopia for the dash with people’s muses. But the big “IF” here is if I can figure out how to record my switch without breaking the bank for a capture card since I probably won’t use one much outside of this event and it’s probably not worth the investment. Though I’ve heard about using the xbox as a workaround, and luckily enough, my brother has one, so if I can talk him into letting me use it to record game footage, I can probably make it happen.

That said — this is just gauging interest, it’s not a commitment just yet — like this if you’d be interested in tossing your muse(s) into an HD Miitopia run? I’m probably gonna call dibs on the sage for Lucas since Whisker’s version of this event gave me the biggest fucking brain rot. Also I need sage Lucas icons. But other than that, everything will probably be randomized. If there’s enough interest I’ll see if I can figure out the recording setup and get this thing going

[soviet-history-detective]

What is the cost of not respecting boundaries?

(For those who haven’t seen, Part 1 and Part 2) A quick rundown for the people who are wondering what’s going on: Hello, folks. I am one of the leading Chernobyl/Legasov researchers who runs this youtube channel. I found the audio fragments of Legasov tapes which became quite a hit and received praise from Craig Mazin. Legasov tapes, which the migty HBO couldn’t find with their Russian-speaking consultants and millions of dollars of budget. I found rare photos and pre-Chernobyl videos of Legasov, translated a substantial amount of documentary material on Soviet near history topics, a good chunk of that being on Legasov and Chernobyl.  I am a live and let live kind of person and I was willing to look the other way with the Valoris shipping business cause “they were shipping the tv show characters and fangirling about the actors” so I ignored it and posted historical information, answered questions, unearthed and translated documentary videos and text material.   Then I abruptly stopped and went quiet cause the shipper gang went too far and started writing gross shit, rape fantasies and dragging real people who weren’t even in the tv show into their godawful fics -one of them being someone I highly admire, respect and look up as an inspiration and role model notwithstanding. 

They didn’t stick to Valoris, they had to involve the people who were not in the script at all. People whose names they learned from me. They had the audacity to discuss their fucked up fantasies (which they call headcanons) right under my nose, they couldn’t control themselves since they are completely driven by base animal instincts and some of them are downright sociopaths with no boundaries: Rabid and depraved, driven only by the primitive sexual instincts, with a two digit IQ, no understanding of boundaries, ethics, morals, completely bereft of common respect and decency. It’s creepy as hell -run for the hills kind of creepy.  (When I say no ethics and morals I don’t mean only sexual perversions. One of them is notorious for plagiarizing other people’s content in multiple social media platforms and acting indifferent when called out.) So I got creeped out, grossed out, infuriated, disillusioned and went quiet. Blocked everyone who was associated with Valoris to avoid their gross thirst talks. Blocked the tag too. Stopped posting new finds after the last Legasov video compilation. Stopped translating videos and text material for a long while.

They are way past normal shipping. This is some seriously fucked up shit.  Here are a couple of examples (Warning: Gross content, rape fantasies, scroll past the images and continue reading below if you can’t stomach or are a minor)

Here is more rape:

Their biggest argument is “We are writing fics about the fictionalized tv show characters” which is total and utter bullshit, because:

Nikolai Ryzhkov was not in the tv show at all.

Neither was Vladimir Gubarev. Why are they in those fics?

This isn’t all, there are public posts here where they were bouncing ideas and coming up with the most abhorrent fantasies about a real person who was NOT in the tv show. I don’t have the time to search them, plus they are really gross, you are better off not seeing it. (A paranthesis here: I’m totally indifferent about explicit fics if they involve only fictional characters and not promote rape culture. Just to make things clear.)

If you are using the names of real people, you are shipping real people. Period. I can write a fic using the shipper gang’s names in an alternate reality setting where they are an evil gang of cannibalistic cunts who raid maternity wards and butcher all the babies then burn puppies ad kittens alive for fun. Or I can write a fic where they all get sodomized with saguaro cacti dipped in ghost pepper sauce by sadistic rogue KGB agents. It’s fictionalized versions of them in an alternate universe after all, so it’s totally ok. Right? Well, there really is no point arguing these things, and that is not even the point of this post. I’m just saying it’s fucked up, creepy and wrong in every way. 

Not to mention they bully and gaslight people who speak up against them. Grown ass women bullying a 15 year old and adding a transphobic comment after learning they are trans is NOT COOL. @ihatefandomsfuckyouall can testify as the target of their bullying. That’s wrong and creepy as hell. 

HOWEVER. Like I said in the previous post, this won’t be about a holy jihad against shipping or some big anti-shipper crusade.  Nope, nope and nope with nope sauce.

Ship away, ship all you want, ship till you drop, ship till you turn Fedex green with envy. I am not here to lecture sociopaths driven solely by primitive sexual instincts and bereft of any kind of boundaries, morals, common respect and decency. There is nothing I or anyone can do about it. Like i said, I have no intention of trying to talk sense into anyone or giving sermons. So rest assured that I am well aware it’s pointless and stupid to wage a war against shipping, however gross and vile it is. I can’t stop you from sexualizing anything that walks (or has been long dead) and spewing sick ass fantasies. I will repeat for those with two digit IQ: I know there is nothing I or anyone can do to stop you from doing what you are doing, absolutely nothing. So I will do NOTHING. Got it? Whoever claims otherwise is full of shit, I will do absolutely NOTHING, you got my word 100%.

Seriously I won’t hate on you, I won’t call for holy wars and witch hunts. So, rest assured, I will not make any move against any of you, nope. Besides I don’t have the time for that, I have a busy life and better things to do. No war, no hate, no screaming, no drama, nothing. Is that clear? Capiche? Comprende? Понятно? 

Well, now let’s get to the heart of the matter:

I have been quiet but not idle. I’ve been contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls, digging state archive repositories. I have been finding material and boy did I find material! I happen to be one of the very few people who are blessed with an extraordinary ability to find things no one else can find. You have seen what I can find by utilizing search engines and going through links. Even Craig Mazin himself was mighty impressed with my finds, the proof is out there in public view, I won’t bother digging it up now.

Anyway. It turns out I can find hell of a lot more than that by contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls and digging through state archive repositories. Some of it costs pretty penny but no matter, I don’t mind paying for never-before-published video footage that is not on the internet. Some of it is not even digitized so you gotta pay extra fee for digitization and it can be quite high depending on the video length and media.

We are talking about HD videos here. There is excellent AI video processing software out there which can turn even the most primitive 19th century videos to crystal clear 60 fps HD so we are good. (Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbElEqm1TQ) I have photos that can’t be found by searching the internet. You’d drop dead if you saw some of them. I’m working on getting the full footage of Legasov’s IAEA presentation. It’s hella difficult, you have to personally go to Vienna and go through the seven hells and seven lower hells to obtain access. Also you need to be a research scientist with a reference letter. (All this info and list of requirements can be found on IAEA official site.) I won’t get into the details but I have it all sorted out, scientist and all. It wasn’t easy and it took a damn lot of time, effort, pulling family connections etc. Now the only remaining roadblock is this accursed coronavirus. As soon as the pandemic subsides a trip to Vienna shall be in order. The long Q&A session following Legasov’s report is unfortunately not available, but Legasov’s report certainly is (after fulfilling a laundry list of requirements.)

This is not all. There are photos (in addition to the publicly available ones I posted before) and video footage of Ryzhkov visiting Chernobyl, Legasov’s meetings, partial video of one Polituro meeting. There is this one precious footage where Legasov is laughing and drinking vodka. I won���t even say how many hours of work it took to find that. (Plot twist: I’m not the one who found it!) I have a pile of videos of Ryzhkov when he was the chairman of the council of ministers of the USSR, which are historical records of tremendous importance and not on Youtube. Buddies who have seen them had insta-man crush on him without even hearing my translation. Some of you would KILL for those, I know for a fact. For the Legasov drinking-partying video you would sell your soul to the devil (who wouldn’t?)

I have an IAEA report with an extremely rare photo you can’t find by searching. I won’t tell you who is in it cause I don’t want to supply anything you could use for your gross fics. Suffices to say one of them is someone you are drooling about and the other one is a big shot name that’s not on your radar and will unleash all kinds of fic ideas once you hear it. So nope. I ain’t giving you another Ryzhkov, I learned my lesson. I have video footage of that same man giving high praise to Legasov, talking with a tone of fondness, defending him against accusations. Such a sweet video. It put tears in my eyes. I can see you gang drooling a lake over that one so hell fucking no.  

Did I mention I started translating Legasov documentaries? Every single one on youtube. Including the entire Звезда Полынь. Also planning to convert some Legasov footage to HD using the aforementioned software tools. 

I have actually been posting videos and text material translations left and right, just out of your sight (nice rhyme, isn’t it?) 90% the material I listed above is either in the pipeline or in my hard disk.  @tryingtobealwaystrying can verify. She helped out a great deal with the IAEA business and I owe her one for that. We are both individually damn good at finding stuff but it turned out we can work wonders as a team. As a result, we have a treasure trove of the highest order in hand and in the works. 

And, here is the deal: YOU WILL SEE NONE OF IT.

N.O.N.E.

Not a shred. Not a pixel. Nothing. Ничего. Совсем нет. 

Get it now? “You didn’t see it cause it’s not there!” 

You won’t see it cause it won’t be there! 

So, this is it. I can’t do anything about your shipping scumbaggery but I can cut off your supply and deprive you of material and information. You will NEVER be able to find any of it on your own (let alone afford the fees for.) 

I will deprive you of the fruits of my labor. 

Indefinitely.

Of course that doesn’t mean I’ll keep it all to myself. I will share them but not in public. In fact I have translated and posted some videos you wanted real bad, one of them got 1000 views overnight but they are not public, for my work is not for the eyes of the wicked and unclean miscreants. I post them in shipper-free foreign forums you can’t find and send links privately to decent, wholesome people who are interested in Chernobyl and Soviet history for the passion to learn and admiration for the historical figures, not for spinning depraved fantasies and writing horrendous, projectile-vomit-inducing sex fics. And -as those of you who possess three digit IQ’s might have figured out!- I am not alone in that. (Plot twist FTW!)  Congrats, folks. You managed to alienate and drive away the top Chernobyl-Legasov researchers and translators with your hideous debauchery, extreme scumbaggery and abominable attitude. So, this is your punishment: NOTHING. This is the consequence you will deal with. This is the cost of your choices. 

A big nothing is all you will ever get from now on. 

See, told ya, there is absolutely nothing I can do about your gross shipping and scumbaggery so I will do NOTHING. 

Got the joke? LOL. I have awesome humor don’t I :) 

No more videos. No more photos. No more answers. No more translations. No more information.

You royally fucked up, people. You don’t get to eat the cake and the icing, especially not when you offend and insult the cooks, take a dump in the middle of the restaurant and masturbate while rolling in it. You could have kept it out of sight. You could have exercised some goddamn tact. But no, you had to behave like animals in heat. 

Well, you can continue obsessing over the TV show scripts until you get sick of it.  I will be posting translations of different parts of Soviet history like the WW2 era. You can ship Hitler and Stalin all you want. Get those headcanons rolling! I will even give you a prompt: Stalin cheats on Hitler with Mussolini. LMAO. 

You know what, I take back the not a pixel thing. We may post screenshots from the videos and low-res crops from the photos from time to time just to rub it in your face. 

Here is one where they are grilling Velikhov shortly after Legasov’s suicide. Oh boy you gotta see his face when they start bombarding him about Legasov’s death.... 

Here is the shot from a long video where the legendary Premier Ryzhkov is sporting the legendary 80′s Soviet glasses in all his superlative handsome glory. He is giving an interview about important historical turning points in this video and this isn’t even the best shot. You have to pay to get a copy but before that you need a superpower-like ability to find where it is in the first place. I scaled it up to 1440×1080 but not gonna put the high resolution version cause I’m such a darling.

  Here is Ryzhkov in the famous white work attire of the Soviet era. Looks familiar, yes? Do I need to tell WHERE he is and what he is doing? (Hint: The year is 1986.)

Oh man, oh man. How worried he looks, so heart-wrenching. The footage is only about 3 minutes but absolutely solid gold. I won’t say whether there is Legasov or Scherbina or BOTH of them appearing in this footage cause I’m such a sweetheart.

Unfortunately I am not at liberty to post any Legasov shots cause I am not the finder of the Legasov videos we currently have at hand. Too bad, so sad.  There you go. Enjoy your cold dish of nothing. Bon appetite. Adios amigas!  WHAT IS THE COST OF NOT RESPECTING BOUNDARIES? @tryingtobealwaystrying​ @the--arch @ihatefandomsfuckyouall​ @rarravai​ @weronikaisback​ @live-long-and-time-warp​ @tryingtobealwaystrying​ @chernobylgal86​ 

[whatdoyoumeanyoudont]

Do you guys ever wonder why the bald spot line was filtered/replaced out of the PBS proshoot, when it’s not anything worth censorship

What if they did it because they just looked at Andrew and went: “look, I know there is something to be said of theatrical suspension of disbelief, but nobody is going to look at HD footage of this gorgeous, youthful individual frozen in time and believe for even a second that he has a fucking bald spot, let’s swap that line out”

I mean

Totally plausible

[homosexualcolombus]

unsolicited online dating advice

let's be real, i was just as blindsided as the next person and had no clue that a few months into this wretched year of our lorde 2020 we would be living through a major historical event that is the outbreak of the covid-19 pandemic. so now, i'm home from university with nothing else to do, stuck in quarantine with no idea how long it would last. couple that with the fact that i am a complete gen z stereotype in the sense that i am always glued to my phone and my laptop, talking to strangers on the internet and broadcasting every single vapid detail of my relatively uninteresting life to a just-as-uninterested audience, and you have yourself a recipe for disaster.

two weeks and a thousand pages into the pornhub home page later, i got tired of the rinse and repeat and decided i wasn't gonna be that bitch who gets carpal tunnel less than a month into quarantine. question is, where would i put all the pent-up sexual frustration into now that the sweet release of pulling the padge is no longer an option? the answer? tinder.

by the time i finally got used to the sour taste that "e-dating" brings to my mouth, i realized i needed a game plan.

don't get me wrong, i'm no stranger to tinder and online dating, and i'm not even kidding when i say it's legitimately a war zone out there. god forbid u get hit by a stray hormone in the battlefield (in which case, f in the chat for our fallen soldier). but with the current situation in mind i knew i wasn't going into just any regular battle, hell not even a regular hunger games, but a full blown quarter quell.

this, of course, led me to convening a meeting with my two remaining brain cells: dumb and dumber. now the last thing dumb "retained" was a stupid ad from a youtube video: an e-toro ad. normally i would have dismissed that stupid idea (if you can even call it that) but given the shortage of manpower i decided to look at it in a different way. which then led me to thinking of approaching dating as a marketing strategy (which, by the way, whew! big reach. so glad i stretched before that one). in the vein of the ad topic, dumber decided to regurgitate the memory of an old tv commerial from my head.

tinder. meet, chat, date. olx. hanap, usap, deal.

see the difference between the two? yeah no, me neither.

so now i'm on board, even though i was totally not expecting to get a sensible idea from dumb and dumber. the problem is, how the fuck do i market myself as a person desirable enough to make people want to buy into the fantasy?

i tried forcing myself to remember every single econ related lecture and every single experience i had in grade school where i was forced to sell shit for grades until i've finally managed to unleash my inner entrepreneur. she came and she came ready. the bitch even brought with her a checklist so you know she means business (also because she's a capricorn, and they're all anal like that)

1. branding

i would be the first person to tell you my name is very pedestrian... the kind of pedestrian who's unlucky enough to be collateral damage in a freaky car accident. i have a white person's name too (christopher!!! yes as in colombus aka the world-renowned caucasian colonizer) so i'd say i'm not doing so hot in the branding department.

inner entrepreneur's solution? a nickname. one unique enough that it catches someone's attention, but not quirky enough to make them think your parents are hippies. in the end i chose toph, because it's not THAT common, and it gives the hot normies an opening to make avatar: the legend of aang puns so overall a win-win.

2. aesthetics

the mirror is not my friend, and nor is the camera. i'm what you would categorize as "aesthetically challenged"ㅡ in short, i'm ugly. but this aspect i wasn't really too worried about because i wasn't born yesterday. appearances, especially in photos, are easy to enhance. i knew my good angles and with the help of a few filters and good lighting i was all set. it also helps that i have an android phone because let's be real, who wants to look clapped in hd? certainly not me! i believe beauty is in the eye of the cctv footage quality selfie.

android - 1 apple - 0

3. product integrity

don't pretend to be something you're not because that jig gets real old real fast. i'm the type of person who likes to lay out all my cards on the table, and in that spirit, i'm upfront and honest to my matches about being a pathological liar. it's fun making them squirm by letting them second guess everything i say as they desperately try to decipher what i am and i'm not lying about. plus, everytime i feel the conversation slipping into snoozefest territory, i just say something wayyyy out of pocket and it shoots the conversation right back to party city! is it real, or did i make it up, who cares? who says i don't know how to keep a relationship spicy?

4. advertising

no, pleb, this does not mean you should buy tinder gold (unless you're an incel, in which case, be my guest). what this means is that i swiped religiously. i made sure i reached my like limit early so that i get maximum engagement by the time the 12-hour timer resets. the more users i liked, the more chances my profile appears in their cards, and in this house, we love good exposure!

so now you've read this far and you might be wondering, is this method successful? can i apply this to me too? and let me be the first to tell you it isn't. i would NOT have made a whole blog post and posted it on the internet for free for everyone to see if it did. the point here is that if you've read this far and thought "well maybe this can work" then i've successfully managed to waste a good few minutes of your time (or maybe not few, idk how fast you read), which in the age of quarantine, is a commodity you're bound to have too much of.

now, i believe a thank you is in order?

[skamesptranslations]

so apparently the screen recording program i used put a HUGE FUCKING WATERMARK over the middle of all of my footage, so i’m going to have to do it all again with another program, ugh. i think i’ll just use like bandicam or another low-quality free one for this round, but if any of you know of free or fairly cheap (like under $30) screen recording software that records w/ audio in HD, let me know! contact me @skamdotcom. 

i’m going to try the screen recording again with a different program in a few hours. again, this is a trial and error process so hopefully this all will be figured out by the end of this week at the latest. thanks for the help y’all :)

~ Sarah 🌈